Official Kit · Assembly Required

Build Your
World-Class Announcement

Studies show 97% of PR announcements are assembled from the same 40 recycled phrases, rearranged in a slightly different order, sent to people who will ignore them, and then archived in a shared drive folder no one will open again. Ever.

The department has been doing this for years. This tool automates it. Select your bricks. Stack them. Pretend it matters.

Warning: May cause synergy. Side effects include paradigm shifts and a vague sense of importance.
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The Opener Announcing that you are about to announce something is itself an announcement
The department is proud to announce that we are announcing...
Applications are now open for the department.
We are delighted to report that an event has occurred.
In what may be the department's greatest achievement to date...
The department officially confirms that it continues to exist, and...
PR Jargon Injection Terms the department uses to make routine activities sound important
strategic communications excellence
a fully optimised outreach initiative
best-in-class departmental visibility
proactive narrative management
360-degree stakeholder awareness
a synergised internal messaging pipeline
amplified public-facing brand presence
The Humble Brag Unverified claims about the department, sourced entirely from the department
our highly dedicated communications team
the department's record-setting event attendance
months of rigorous internal planning
our award-eligible outreach campaign
the department's unparalleled public presence
our most successful announcement to date
The Vague Promise Commitments specifically engineered so no one can tell if they happened or not
will continue to issue announcements on a regular basis
plans to hold another event in the near future
remains committed to departmental excellence
is accepting applications on an ongoing basis
will keep the public fully informed of all departmental activities
intends to be even more visible going forward
Leadership Quote Statements attributed to leadership, written by leadership, about leadership
"This was our best event yet," said the Director, who organised the event.
"We're incredibly proud," confirmed the Assistant Director, via email, unprompted.
"The applications speak for themselves," said the Director. (No data provided.)
"The response has been overwhelming," the department noted, about its own announcement.
"We're just getting started," said the Assistant Director, for the third time this year.
The Sign-Off The emotional landing of your word salad. The department insists on including one.
More announcements to follow. Soon.
The department thanks you for your attention.
Applications remain open. Please apply.
The department will continue to be a department.
Stay tuned for our next event, which will also be a success.
Your Masterpiece
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Press Release For Immediate Release
About the Department
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Forward-looking statements in this release involve risks, uncertainties, buzzwords, and at least three vague nouns. Actual results may differ materially from those projected. The department assumes no obligation to update these statements, clarify what they mean, or respond to follow-up questions.